Qingdao has many small scenic beaches in the downtown areas that are heavily populated with wankers trying to rent time on jet-skis and para-sails. These beaches do however have nice views and convenient drinking areas, which is always a big plus for me. Despite the fact that you may think I’m a wino, my most recent excursion was educationally inclined. The beaches make pretty decent places to study, because there is somewhat less honking and you can pretend that the air is cleaner. Recently I decided to try a beach on the eastern edge of the downtown. I’m not sure what number beach this is named, but I’ll call it Hello Commie beach, after the communist soldier I saw decked out with his green suit and pink Hello Kitty umbrella to protect his precious skin from the sun.

Hello Commie beach is the largest beach I’ve been to in the city, both in length and from shore to backside. It’s a 15-minute cab ride from Jusco, which is about 16RMB. I discovered it one day when I was eating at the top of the Kilin Hotel’s restaurant. As an aside try to remember this formula: revolving restaurant plus all you can eat buffet equals negative too much money and positive test for Salmonella. I mistakenly had the cab driver take me to the far eastern edge of the beach, which turned out alright because there was access to a closed off stretch of the beach that looked like it was under rehabilitation. To get to it, I had to wade through a knee deep stream of what I pray was just seawater that separated the two beaches. Once on the other side, I found a stretch of dirty beach with no more than 3 naked guys tanning along what seemed to be a mile long coast. I looked for the spot with the least amount of broken glass and used hypodermic needles and set up camp, then proceeded to practice Chinese grammar.

Over the course of my three-hour study, I observed only one group of guys arrive at this private spit. I assume it would be a great place to have a party, as there were a couple of aborted fire pits in the sand and the area is completely enclosed by tall blue fences.

Once I was finished, I went for a walk along the normal part of the beach. Chinese people have a strange way of “doing” the beach. Tons of them go, so the beaches are always packed. Packed with guys in speedos that is. For the most part, a speedo or briefs are the uniform of choice. Women on the other hand keep as much clothing on as possible, if they even emerge from the tents they set up to protect from the sun. I saw one girl in the water, and she was wearing what looked to be a cross between one of those 1920’s era swimsuits and something an astronaut would wear. There’s also these packs of middle aged guys wearing unsuitable dark clothes that I see roaming around everywhere, examining everything like they’re extra-terrestrials. People do indeed swim, so I would imagine that either the water is acceptably clean, or more likely their immune systems have mutated into super disease defense systems. After a while I got to the far western side of the beach, when I decided that it wasn’t worth crossing another creek that definitely wasn’t seawater to get to another filthy section where a bunch of stray dogs were eating dead fish. I figured this was a good time to go.

You will find more pictures on the link.

Lots of people

Deserted yet polluted stretch

Lovely garbage closeup

Damn rocks

Looks like a page from “Where’s Waldo?”

It’s those GUYS again

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