I somehow managed to convince my lazy hind quarters into going to the gym for the first time in what must be the same amount of time it took China to realize that one in five kids here are overweight. After thoroughly annihilating my chest in a workout that is sure to make my breasts feel like liquefied play-dough, I felt I could eat a cow, which is what I decided to do. I walked over to Nanjing Lu to check out a kebab place I had found earlier, but to my dismay it wasn’t open yet. Instead I remembered that there was a steakhouse near my apartment, so I figured that it would be worth a shot.

Jack’s Steakhouse, as it is called, appears to be a pretty new restaurant in an area full of other newish restaurants. The place is clean, and when you walk in you’re met with a gauntlet of “welcome to here” from the small platoon of staff crowded at the entry. After a quick perusal of the menu, I was satisfied I could afford it (the most expensive dish is a t-bone steak at 140RMB). I decided on a fillet mignon for 95RMB.

From my somewhat but not entirely limited experience eating beef in China, I have a theory that the chefs use Martian death rays to cook the cattle. I’ve come to this conclusion from ordering pieces of meat medium rare, and receiving the likes of a blackened shriveled turd on my plate. Sometimes I wonder if the chefs cook the meat right in the grill, and it gets to the point where they just randomly grab pieces of carbon to serve out. Fearing the worst, but also figuring that this is a steakhouse and they should have some kind of clue as to how to cook a steak, I decided to order what I normally order back home: rare.

My fears were not unfounded. The waiter brought me back a nice thick looking chunk of meat, with some pasta, and a less than straight heart-shaped fried egg. The waiter then asked if I wanted some peppercorn sauce, which I foolishly agreed to, because he then proceeded to try and drown my steak in a sea of black dotted grey goo. After parting the sauce like Moses, I began to cut into my steak and noticed that it started to bleed. A small stream of bloody juice came out from the cut. I cut it right in half, and the with the exception of small force field about a quarter inch around the steak of properly cooked goodness, the inside was completely red. Thinking to myself that they may have gotten it right, I cut a small piece from near the middle and proceeded to devour it. Wrong… The meat wasn’t cooked, in fact it was still cold. If this part of the cow was it’s mouth, it would have still been mooing. Because I had cut the thing in two, and it was doused in sauce, there was really no way for them to take it back to the kitchen and recook it. Also knowing that Chinese service follows are very steep curve, where generally they are very good, but if you get picky things go from bad to worse, I decided to take my chances with the abortion on my plate. I ate around the outside, and tried to eat the pasta that wasn’t doused in the cowjuice.

My overall experience at Jack’s Steakhouse in Qingdao was decent. The service was above par, the environment was clean and new and the prices were reasonable. The cut of meat itself wasn’t the greatest, but for the price you really can’t expect to get Chris Ruth’s quality here. I’ll say that I would definitely go back, providing I don’t die from E.coli first. I’ve included an asstacular cameraphone pic of the carcass.

On a side note, I found out that Justco has Pocky’s which are the best chocolate covered nut sticks in the world, and much better than the knock off Pepero’s that seem to be all the vogue here. Also, what is it with Milk here? I can understand that Chinese people really don’t drink it, but when the freshest milk the store carries expires tomorrow, and the older stuff……..well now you know why so many people get sick here. Thats my story and I’m sticking to it.

Filed under: things i ate