Longing to emerge from the sooty winter days of Qingdao, I happened on the opportunity to go treasure hunting for some Yuan Dynasty ceramics in the south half of the country in a place called Jingdezhen. Hangzhou was the city I would fly into. A good friend of mine who works in Anji, an hour north of Hangzhou had invited me down numerous times before, and I promised him that if I was ever in the area I would slide by. Going to just one random city in the Chinese hinterlands barely satiates my appetite for chances to see the unknown these days, so I decided I would pay my friend a visit.

The trip started with my usual attention to detail in planning (buying the air ticket the day before and flying down hoping to get the bus/hotel situation sorted after arrival). My goal to rival the Griswolds was realized when things started to unravel as before the plane touched the ground. As is usual practice in China, upon learning that we would be making our decent, I turned on my phone to let him know that I had arrived, landing and radio equipment be damned. I was informed by the kind Chinese robot voice on the line that my phone had run out credit. Fiddlesticks!

You would think that selling cellular minutes like every other commercial establishment in this country would be something that an airport out in the middle of munchkin land would consider. Besides Kentucky fried foul and pickled plums, this place was as useful as “duck and cover” in the event of a nuclear attack. Not having a phone was a problem because I needed to call my friend to confirm my arrival and find out what bus station to go to. Not wanting to be a lollygag around this lame excuse for a modern air hub I jumped into a cab and told him to take me downtown for 100 kuai, where I would presumably be closer to the bus station and I could find a place to get money for my phone.

Since the Hangzhou airport really is out in the sticks, and I didn’t want to waste any more time than I had to, as soon as I saw a China mobile place I told him to stop. The meter read 71rmb, so I got the cash ready and then proceeded to get into an argument about “our deal” for the 100 kuai to downtown. “Well guess what bud, I’m not even close to downtown, and you were on the meter anyways! Go suck on a rotten sea cucumber, ya prick!” is exactly what I should’ve said to him, instead I tossed him the 71rmb and ejected myself from the taxi in haste.

I made my way to the China mobile shop where I bought a 100rmb recharge for my phone. After dialing the number and following the instructions I remained hopelessly without a useful phone. Without trying to look like a foreign retard, and failing miserably in that regard, I asked the shopkeeper for help. They tried a few times, until they finally asked me where my number was from. From Qingdao I replied, and then they said that the recharges only work on Hangzhou ones. Awesome! In times past I’ve recharged my phone all over the country with these same little recharge cards so perhaps we can conclude that China Mobile in Hangzhou is managed by simians. Unable to return the recharge card I had just bought, the shopkeeper directed me to the large China Mobile center that was “Just over there at so and so road.” An hour later and possibly in some kind of Bermuda triangle of Hangzhou, I decided it would be wise to abandon this quest to find the large China Mobile center and concentrate instead on buying a new phone number. This would also prove difficult, as it seems I had been walking for an hour in the direction of absolutely nothing. An hour later I was back where I started and I hit up the first mobile shop I laid eyes on. The nice thing about China is that mobile calling is infinitesimally cheaper than in Canada, and new number can be up and activated for as little as $15.

Once I had finally got all that monkey business out of the way, I was able to get in touch with my friend who directed me to the Hangzhou North bus station, where I was able to board one of the buses that leaves every 15 minutes for a mere 27 kuai. One interesting (titillating?) thing of note about the Hangzhou north bus station. For the first time in China I actually saw on display real deal porno mags, just out in the open on the news stands, no covers or anything to shield my innocent eyes! I don’t know what that’s about but I guess Hangzhou isn’t a complete bust (or is it?!)

Filed under: transport