Well, it’s 20 degrees out. So I guess that’s not so bad.

Funny thing that smog. Around these parts people call it 雾气 (wùqì), meaning fog or mist. The correct word for smog is 烟雾 (yānwù) but I haven’t heard it used. I’m certain that most people know the difference, and aren’t so ignorant to actually think that what’s going on out there is some fine misty goodness from mother nature. I hope.

Instead of whining about it, and how the world is going to hell in a handbasket because of the climate change/global warming/global shmobal, here’s 10 reasons why it’s awesome.

• You don’t need to smoke cigarettes here. Just breath the air. The mélange of fumes gives you a different flavour depending on whether you near the chlorine processing plant or the coal power station. Think of all the money you’ll save. Ok I realize people here smoke like fiends anyways. Maybe the smog was the gateway drug.

• It adds another great meteorological excuse to the perpetually late employee’s arsenal. “Hey gimme a break boss, I couldn’t see where the hell I was!”

• Athletes can train here to really put their lungs through hell, then when they actually compete in places like Vancouver or Boston where the air is better, they’ll be unstoppable superhumans.

• If you do enough physical activity outside, you damn well might get high.

• It acts as a literal shroud of war should a foreign army be so foolish as to invade.

• There’s a remote possibility that all the chemicals in there air may provide humans with some beneficial evolutionary mutations.

• It provides a good starting point for future colonization on Venus, seeing as the place has an atmosphere of sulfuric acid.

• Screw beer goggles; with enough smog everyone starts to look good! (*although this still won’t clear you of the dread when you wake up next to a hideous abomination).

• You never have to worry about your kids’ looking up at the sun, and staring at it in a mesmerized state to the point where they go blind, ‘cause it isn’t there.

• If you’re asthmatic or into world of warcraft, it’s a great reason to never have to go outside.

• Because you won’t be able to dry your clothes outside without them becoming dirty, you will have a good argument for buying a proper drying machine, using up more electricty, and contributing more to the wonderful smog!

To be honest this kinda thing doesn’t worry me. I went out biking today and did my usual mount Fushan climb. And let me tell you what that takes:

Guts Chocolate Bar.

Filed under: dragons