Had no idea what this massive inaccessible colonial complex in downtown Rangoon was

Rangoon is the former capital of Burma and sits right on the Indian Ocean. It’s rumored that because of this, the xenophobic and paranoid generals moved the capital hundreds of miles inland to Naypyidaw to avoid a possible invasion against a country like the USA. Bad news fellas, you could move your capital to the moon if it makes you sleep better, it ain’t gonna make a difference if Uncle Sam comes a knockin’. Rangoon was once a booming colonial city, and probably a great place to get your opium fix. Thanks to this colonial past, it has some interesting architecture, and an infrastructure that might have been really good a couple of decades ago.

The power only runs part time in Rangoon, so everyone has generators

I guess some Burmese are trying to compensate…

…For their short comings!

Walking through the downtown historical district is done in about an hour or two because it really isn’t much. You can tell much has been demolished. What remains is in a sad state of disrepair. I can’t help but wonder what beautiful buildings lie leveled underneath the independence monument park. I saw only two colonial buildings that are still in mint condition. These were the Strand Hotel, and the British Embassy. The Strand is probably the only establishment in Burma that accepts credit cards, so if you’re looking for a good place for afternoon tea, snacks, or to get loaded on 8-buck drinks, you’ve found your oasis. The British embassy has a library, with lots of books on Burma, as well as uncensored BBC and possibly internet. If you try taking pictures of it from the outside, the guards will come chasing after you and try to force you delete the pictures like they did to me. These geniuses can be fooled quite easily by quickly removing your memory card before they get to you. It’s a surprisingly small downtown for such a large city. They have a population of a about 4 million, but really it feels to be about a tenth of that.

Independance Monument on top of what was probably a much nicer structure

I was almost arrested, imprisoned and tortured for this picture of the British Embassy. Savor it like it’s your last

There are a couple of major pagodas in Rangoon that are worth checking out if marveling at other peoples’ beliefs is what flies your kite. While I can appreciate their cultural and historic significance, in a way they also creep me out, so I only saw the main ones, the Sule, and the almighty Shwedagon.

We got the Shwedagon about 10 minutes before it closed, because other than some stray monks, it was virtually deserted. If you see one pagoda in all of Burma, this is the one you have to see. The stupa is supposedly coated in millions of ounces of gold that makes it look like a giant glowing cycloptic nipple after some BDSM play. Definitely go at night, it looks the best, there are few people there, and you might not be charged entrance admission like us (we went in the wrong doors). My friend got in trouble because even though she had taken off her shoes, she was still wearing stockings covering her feet and that’s a faux pas. Can someone please explain to me why Buddha has a foot fetish? Why do the feet have to bare? I asked a few people, and the answer I always got was, “just ‘cause” without any underlying logic. Junk like that racks my brain medieval style, especially when it has to do with religion. I can appreciate it when there is some kind of back-story, like Buddha spent his formative years in a Nike Sweatshop or some shit. But when there’s no reason whatsoever…well that would be like a culture where people knock on doors with their butts and wear spaghetti as a hat.

The Shwedagon

When we arrived at the Sule, we missed the sign that said foreigners had to go through the eastern entrance (we went in via the north). One of the ladies at the door asked us to pay a donation that we assumed was the entrance fee, so we dropped in $4 for the both of us. The place is actually really small, and there was too many people praying and getting their god on, so after about 90 seconds we decided to leave through the east door. Here someone who had not seen us enter this way demanded that we both pay $5 entrance fee for foreigners. Knowing full well there was no way we were going to pay that much to have made a slight detour through a badly modified temple, we played dumb and walked away. I don’t feel that bad about it either. The donations probably go towards temple upkeep cause they’re paid by locals, but I can see the foreigner admissions going to the government officials’ KTV budget. To be honest there isn’t much to it either, lots of Buddha statues with very kitsch neon glowing lights in the background and lots of modern modifications that sure don’t make you feel like you’re walking through a 2000-year-old temple.

Neon light lameness, at least his thirst is quenched.

The Sule from a distance

Rangoon also is probably one of the few places in Burma where there is anything resembling a western nightlife scene. Unfortunately we didn’t get a weekend there, and only had a Wednesday and Thursday. First we checked out a club that was supposedly owned by some movie star. Can’t remember paying cover, or drink prices, but it was mid-range. it was about a third full and there was …gasp…a cover band! Wow! I’ve never seen one of those before! (Sadly I was unable to determine if they were Filipino in origin due to Burmese people having English ability on par to them) The place died early, maybe 10pm, so it was time to hit up the next joint. We went to some club that was formerly called BME but it changed its name to Racecar McGoosecock or something. Surprisingly it didn’t play a shitty euro dance music mashup like most Chinese clubs, but instead cranked out recent house tracks. The $5 cover was steep but included a drink. Sadly we didn’t get to see the place fill up, but it was worth it to see some of the Burmese youngns act a fool.

A common streetscene, people drinking tea and chewing on beetlenut

Public transportation. These were the nicest public buses I saw in the country, most were just pickup trucks cruising around with people jumping on and off.

Private transportation. Nazi Mobile or Budhist Buggy, you be the judge.

Sewer system in downtown Rangoon getting it’s maintenance

Filed under: dragons