Reduce

Ildefons Cerdà, the fucking guy who designed the city had a fetish for octagons. You can tell because every intersection in the district he planned is shaped in one. Pedestrians aren’t able to cross directly with the traffic, you need to walk around to where the crosswalks are then walk back around again to get where you were going. I wish this guy were still alive so I could watch him get pummeled inside The Octagon. Then maybe the city could pummel some of those eight sided leg beaters into squares.

The Spaniards should become reducers by reducing the reduction in open businesses during August. Yeah I said it. Everything is closed because everyone’s on holidays. Made me reminisce about Golden Weeks and Lunar New Years of yore. Yet the seething masses of idled migrant workers were replaced with slack jawed Spanish yokels, much to my chagrin.

It would be nice if the prices of things were lower. I know Europe as a whole is expensive especially considering the current dollar/euro exchange rate, but for some reason Spain doesn’t exactly feel as advanced as the rest of Europe. Felt like I was paying more for less. For example internet in our hotel was 20 euros per day. When they told me that I told em to get out of here (or there, wherever it was), I would go to Starbucks instead. I still got shafted cause no Starbucks in Barcelona have wireless. Most people didn’t even know what the hell I was talking about, they must of thought I was talking some Terminator Skynet shit or something.

Pharmacies at every god damned corner. Spaniards must really like their drugs, perhaps they use them to sleep through the oppressive heat.

Germans who think that hotel towels give them whole day ownership of deck chairs and lay flats could some re-education. I met a Manx guy in London who actually warned me about this behavior but I thought he was full of shit. Turns out the Germans were. They think they can go out in the morning, toss the odd towel from the room on the deck chair like a dog pissing on a pole, then come back at sunset or whenever is the best time to be there. It’s called USE IT OR LOSE IT bitches!

Reuse

Tapas and mini tapas, the one restaurant food that was priced right in contrast with every other country that serves it. Does anyone else find it to be the European version of sushi? All I could think of when I was eating it was maki and tempura rolls for some reason. Whoever brings mini-tapas to North America is going to make a mint.

In most places, restaurants shut down around 10pm. In Barcelona, things didn’t hit full swing until around then. I’d like to see more of this elsewhere. Sure you can get late night food at the usual greasy spoon suspects or Chinese food joints, but it sure would be nice if we had more quality options open late into the night.

Recycle

Ok I don’t know where else to put this, but I feel it is necessary to mention. I guess it’s because of the heat, as anyone who’s been to Spain can attest, but I noticed that many Spanish women neglect to wear bras. I think it’s important to mention, to prevent being knocked out by stray knockers, or being blinded by the high beams so to say. In some instances it can be quite distracting, in others it’s like watching a 50’s scientific educational video where they explore the limits of human skin elasticity.

Incinerate

People aren’t going to want to add me as a friend on myspace after I say this but it must be said…Gaudi’s architecture is execrable. Maybe if it was worse than it is, and took on insane forms and impossible structures it might have been able to work the so bad it’s good angle. It’s actually a quite boring. They say he was one of the most original architects, to which I call shenanigans. My four year old imaginary dog can make random organic shapes as well. With his poop. Just cause he can, doesn’t mean he qualifies as some mind bending genius starchitect. Take a look around the world, where else can we see the Gaudi style? Even China, the mad lover of ball bustingly bad architecture hasn’t xerox’d it like they do to pretty much everything. Don’t get me started on that cathedral. Nobody likes an erection that doesn’t stop.

Filed under: tourist shit