The next day, the eve of the wedding, we wouldn’t meet again until 7:30 in the PM, after I spent a good hour in a taxi trying to convince the driver People’s Rd. was in a magical new location that didn’t exist. Luckily, he was just amused to have dimwitted foreigner for a fare, but unfortunately the historic part of town we were in had embraced the concept of rush hour, but not highways. When I finally arrived at the restaurant, I was introduced to the bridesmaid as well as a number of good friends who were fiercely getting the final details of the big day sorted out (aka. pounding beers). I got a quick glance at the day’s schedule and noticed that the festivities kicked off at 9am and went the whole day. Knowing I’d need to be in good shape to kick ass if some nasty mutants tried to crash the wedding, I politely tried to refuse as many drinks as I could with limited success. Food intake was also kept to a minimum, cause all that oily food tends to move through you faster than a spear of shit. I wanted to keep my stomach as prepared as possible for the oncoming onslaught.

After we finished up dinner, the girls and guys separated, for if we were to see each other after the stroke of 12, all our genitals would dry up and fall off according to a legend I just made up. My friend, two of his friends and I jumped in a car and headed for what I thought would be his new home. The girls went off to the old home where they would spend the night hopefully having pillow fights. While we did head to the new house, we only stopped there for a few minutes, and then proceeded to drive around for 3 hours to different places (the hotel where the wedding reception would be, his old house, his new house) back and forth and never taking the same route. We did this at no faster then 30km/h. I thought I was going to lose my mind and my bladder, cause I really had to pee, but I kept silent and figured it was just another one of those cultural peculiarities that would soon be put down like a sick dog by the globalism veterinarian.

We finally returned to his new house sometime past midnight, and spent a few hours talking about the next day. The other guys were already married so they told stories about how their last moments of freedom went down…the toilet. As soon as they mentioned that we’d be getting up at 5:30, I was already under the covers restricting my breath as hard as I could so as to pass out as quick as possible. It wouldn’t be quick.

Filed under: qingdao