Over the next ten days I will be taking a vacation in Japan, because…well…why the hell not? It’s not like I’ve got mountains of work piling up, threatening to bury me under them like the モンキーキング.

I started off my morning with an errands list stretching over the city like some retard’s version of connect the dots. That retard of course would be me, as I was just finishing cramming my slacks and sweater vests into my bag when I realized my passport was playing hide and seek. After turning the apartment I had only just made spotless into something akin to a scene from Libya, I finally had the good sense to check the pockets of my shorts…that I had just washed. Yes sir, my passport now resembled a marshmallow after being cooked over a campfire for too long.

I figured a blow dryer and some heavy books would be the only way I could make this lump of international identification intelligible. Once that was done, I was off to pick up some dry cleaning, then to a bank to get some cash, then to a travel office inconveniently placed on the top floor of a busy office building that only seemed to have one functional elevator, then off to anther bank to for work related matters.

Despite having a series of taxi drivers that insisted on stopping at every single red light (I mean come on, this is one of those times where I need the China advantage) my travel comrade and I managed to get to Pudong Airport just in time to check in, quickly pilfer the business class lounge, and board the plane.

Somehow, the harpy at check in put us at the very back of a plane that was only half full. This would pay dividends for us when we were the last people off the plane, and eventually the last people going through customs on arrival in Fukuoka. It must have been a slow day there, and the cops hadn’t met their quota, because they decided to give me the raw deal.

Thankfully I wasn’t smuggling any roofies or PCP, and I made it through to a very gorgeous Fukoka. It was sunny with amazing clouds, 25 degrees and little humidity. Perfect for spending the rest of the day wandering around Tenjin (Fukuoka’s downtown), scoping the scene, and drinking convenience store beers.

After seeing all kinds of freakish fashion, determining that most major Japanese clothing brands are in fact cheaper in China, grocery prices here put Shanghai expat shops to shame, it was time for eats. My comrade and I killed off the day with some awesome Yakitori (aka. BBQ’d kebabs) and couple of glasses of barley liquor that went down a lot better than it sounds. My knowledge of Chinese gives me understanding of about 15% of what’s written, so it’s surprising that out of such a small portion of the menu, we hit bull’s eye. Let’s see if we can keep nailing it.

Filed under: tourist shit