Let’s examine the different visa classes together shall we?

L Visa

The L visa is mostly given to tourists and people coming to visit relatives. The L stands for “Loser” as in you will lose massive amounts of cash from everything like over priced entry tickets, to detour prone taxi drivers, to ridiculous gifts you will have to bring for your Chinese relatives. These visas are normally limited to between 1-3 months of time in China, and most of the time you’ll only get one or two entries on them.  Because of their lucrative nature for the government, they are widely available and easy to get. Just head to your nearest Chinese consulate or embassy, fork over some dough and a mugshot or two, and you’ll have your pass into the largest walmart in the world.

X Visa

The X visa is what is given to students before they come to China. The X actually stands for “X-Ray”, because X-rays are a critical part of the battery of health tests foreign students will need to undertake on return to their home countries after consuming massive amounts of dodgy street meat, fake booze, and breathing too much air while playing ultimate frisbee. These visas are usually good for 3-6 months stay in China, and are generally converted into residence permits on arrival, which allows for unlimited entry and exit. They are harder to get, as you need to apply into a Chinese University program that allows foreigners, and generally pay a whole term’s tuition up front before being given the visa (5000-10000RMB). Remember, once you’ve lined the pockets of the dean with money to spend on Russian classmates that you will see on the attendance lists but never actually in class, they will forget about you. Hound those bastards like you’ve just been released and you’ve got bees in your mouth, and when you bark they sting people.

F Visa

The F visa is the bane of my existence. The F could stand for many things such as “fallback”, “foreigner” and “fool” among others. I however like to think it simply means “fuck”, as in, you’ll be fucked around perpetually if you have this visa. It’s supposed to be good for stays in China from 6-12 months, and have multiple entries. Getting them is sometimes easy, sometimes impossible, and sometimes both depending on your space-time coordinates in the Chinese singularity. Getting them outside of China usually means providing a stamped invitation from a registered Chinese company to the consulate, but within China there’s a slew agents that can do the dirty work for you. And it is dirty. The problem is that the people in charge of the rules for these are as consistent as your stool during your first three weeks in this lovely country. If there’s any kind of special event going on, like the Olympics, or this year’s 60th anniversary of the founding of someplace that was founded 5000 years ago (one of the greatest mathematical conundrums mankind has faced), then all bets are off, and it’s anyone’s guess as to how much it will cost, how many entries you’ll be able to get, and how long it will be useable for. They’re usually the most cost effective visas to get, and as such are perfect for hippies, miscreants, and other nutjobs who want to love China long time. Be warned though, your attempts to get this visa will rape your soul and leave you crying naked in a dark corner somewhere, hopeless.

Z Visa

The Z visa is a visa given to people who are coming over here on a contract to work with a Chinese or wholly owned foreign enterprise. The Z is from “Zombie” which is what you will inevitably be transformed into after working in China for any length of time. Getting one depends simply on getting on job with a company that has the authority to hire foreigners. Usually they can only be acquired outside of the country, but if you’re willing to part with the cash, you can save the trip by dealing with agents in Beijing or Shanghai. They’re usually converted into residence permits shortly after arrival in China, are good for one year, and have multiple entry-exit. I know Z’ers may look down on us F’ers, and rightly so. But don’t forget you pay taxes suckas!

J Visa

The J Visa is given to journalists wishing to enter China. Contrary to popular belief, the J does not stand for “journalism”, but instead it means “jingoism” of the Chinese variety of course, which is exactly the type of writing that foreign journalists will have to write if they wish to pass into China on a legit visa. In order to get it, you’ll need to be able to pass a test of taking a fox news report and replacing every instance of “Republican Party” with “CCP” and “War on Terror” with “Harmonious Society”. As a bonus feature of this visa, on leaving you will need to submit all your writings to the Ministry of Propaganda for approval and certification. If it is not deemed worthy, you will be sentenced to a re-education camp in the hinterlands to learn about the fabulous 5000-year history of China (or how to shovel cow dung).

D Visa

The D Visa was a legendary visa, supposedly given to those as a permanent residence permit. It has been rendered obsolete by the actual permanent residence permit, something akin to a greencard. No one really knows what the D meant, but my guess is that it probably means “Dickless”, as that’s what you’d have to be in order to suck up to the government enough to get one of these. The permit is useful for 5 or 10 years, and is multiple entry of course. So how do you get a permanent resident permit? You don’t. The permanent resident card gets you.

C, G, and Other Visas

There are few other visas that are available to special people with special situations. The C visa is for airline hostesses and pilots, and maybe those people who work on boats. Big boats. Size matters. I’m almost certain that the G visa is has been killed by transit visas that are issued on arrival in the big airports of Shanghai or Beijing. There’s also visas that you can get in Shenzhen that are good for a few days, or hours, or whatever the case may be that limit you to the Shenzhen area. I’m not entirely confident that I could provide you with an answer that vaguely resembles my horribly skewed concept of factual information on how these work. Diplomats also get special visas, but seriously I doubt you’re the American ambassador to China and you’re coming to this blog to find out how to get it. If you are…God help us all.

I’m writing this for people living in Qingdao, people visiting Qingdao, and most importantly myself because I can never figure out what I want to eat. Chinese food is good. There’s no question there. The problem is that eating out is a group thing. The best restaurants are made for 4+ people. You know, the big round tables with the lazy susannes spinning, zhongnanhai’s gettin up in ya lungs and white liquor going straight to the cerebral cortex. Sure you can still go to these places by yourself or with a friend, but the dishes are all big mofos and you can’t get a whole lot of styles in your order unless you plan on wasting a load of food. So I’ve put together this list of western food joints that Qingdao has. It is divided into two parts. Places that suck balls and places that don’t. My list will feature ISO9000 approved point form rational to make your selection fast and efficient. And yeah I know there’s the redstar and Qingdao guide websites that will show you where they are, but they don’t list some, and they sure as shit don’t tell you if the ones listed are any good.

Places that suck the kahck

Sumo Sushi

• Absurdly expensive sushi, think 25 kuai for one piece the size of a baby’s toe.
• Serious case of the mei-you’s*
• Service is probably the worst I’ve ever experienced in Qingdao, took close to an hour to get our appetizer despite seeing other people who came in after us get theirs much earlier. We had to sit at the bar because other tables were supposedly reserved; yet no one sat at the tables over the 2-hour course of our meal. Waitresses didn’t understand CHINESE. This is because it’s 100% Japanese owned and operated, and even the waitresses are Japanese. BUT this is CHINA retards. If I were Chinese I would come back to this place with a canteen of gas.
• In fact if you go to this place and give them your hard earned loot, you might as well just pay someone to urinate in your mouth while you sleep. It’s the same.
• Also the food sucked.

Murano

• Unless there’s another place that serves ‘53 Margaux like it’s going out of style this is the most expensive restaurant in Qingdao.
• Pasta tastes about as good as I could make it, which means…bleah
• Service is about on par with any other western place, and considering the price of everything plus the service charge, they should be giving you the soufflé special in the back room for what you end up paying.

Bamboo

• The only so-called thai restaurant in town.
• Food is expensive considering what it is. (30-40 kuai a dish)
• All the dishes taste really bland and not spicy, which is pretty much the exact opposite of real thai food.
• Service is anemic.

Napoli

• Advertises as a wine bar/italian restaurant but inside there is no bar whatsoever
• Pastas start at 80 kuai and taste no better than Chef Boyardi’s bastard child
• I’ve heard from a former employee they reuse food. Nuff said.

Sunshine Grill

• Lots of expensive steaks that can be had elsewhere for less.
• Horribly nasty all you can eat lunch buffet for 100 or is it 120 kuai?
• Pretty much everything else on their menu looks like it’s dying from the bubonic plague.

TJ’s Mexican Food

• This place is to Mexican food as a drunken midget is to porn.
• Prices are reasonable, if you like eating chili powder with a small side of food.
• The Nachos are the only redeeming thing on the menu, otherwise, everything else tastes exactly the same.
• Seriously…to the owner of this place…if you want to see how a Mexican restaurant is done, go to Cantina Agave in Shanghai. Case closed.

Sorrento’s Pizza/JJ’s Pizza/Farmer’s Pizza

• These Korean run pizza places don’t really suck so bad, but the pizza is pretty bad compared to proper North American pizza.
• They all use whack ingredients, and shit quality cheese.
• JJ’s uses excessively sweet tomato sauce.
• Farmer’s uses almost no sauce.
• But they all deliver so that’s all they’re good for.

Vietnamese Restaurant in Hisense Shopping Mall (In the basement level)

• Unreasonably expensive for Vietnamese food, but I guess they have to pay the stupid rent to be in the Hisense mall somehow.
• Considering the price, you would think they could have decent sized portions, but no, the pho bowls were all sized for toddlers. Come on man, it’s just noodles!
• The spring rolls were pretty tasty.
• Most of the menu is just Chinese food, or Vietnamese dishes that have been sinofied.
• You have to ask for hot sauce and oyster sauce…umm hello?
• Try it once if you must, but Yueyuxuan in HKGardens has better tasting pho, and is like a third the price.

Places that DON’T SUCK (In order of awesomeness with the slackers at the bottom)

Trattoria Verde

• Best Italian food in Qingdao hands down.
• The place is small and is always packed so make a reservation or you won’t get in.
• The kitchen is open at the back so you can see the work of the Japanese chef on the go, he’s super friendly and takes care of his customers.
• Prices were once reasonable (Cheaper than Napoli and Murano), but have now inflated to borderline unacceptable levels. Think about a 63% increase in some dishes, that’s even higher than the crazy 10% national inflation rate.
• The most of the specials here are seafood dishes, although you can get steaks and the standard but still delicious pasta plates.
• Ironic that the best Italian food in Qingdao is being cooked by a Japanese chef, while the restaurants with supposed Italian chefs are mostly garbaggio.
• Phone number: (+86 532) 8589-8530
• Address: 100 Shanghang Lu

Cassini’s

• Runner up to best Italian food.
• Recently I’ve been enjoying this place more and more, prices are stable, unlike other establishments, and they’ve got the real deal gelato going on.
• Atmosphere upstairs is Modern, and more spacious than than Tratoria.
• Lots of options, from pizza and sandwiches to full mains. Everything I’ve tried has been tasty.
• Although the owners/chefs seem alright, the waitstaff could be better. Right now I would say it’s just average for China, and if you know, that ain’t great. If it were to improve I think Cassini’s could take the #1 spot.

The Greenery Cafe

• This Guangzhou based chain has a clean and modern interior.
• Similar to Chalon, with lots of western based dishes. Prices are better though. And the food quality seems a bit better too.
• Lunches are a good deal with a healthy sized main dish and dessert for 18-25rmb
• They charge a 2rmb seating fee per person, which although insignificant, would become a serious pain in the ass if its occurrence propagated among middle market restaurants here.
• Located in the mess of a building on the other-side of the street facing Crown Plaza, on the second floor.

Story Desserts

• Interestingly decorated place that focuses on desserts, coffee and vino.
• Desserts are the best I’ve had in Qingdao
• Owner/Managers actually care and listen to their clientele.
• Open long hours from 11am-11pm so it’s good when that sweet

tooth needs a fix late in the evening.

• Located in the old location of Banana bar right next to Amy’s Bakery, on the little street that runs behind Feelings Nightclub.

Chi Nuan Lian Izakaya

• Best Japanese Izakaya in Qingdao.
• Open till 1 or 2am usually.
• Not cheap, but not too expensive depending on what you get.
• Super special udon and soba recipes that the Japanese chef stole from a samurai ninja warrior right before he chopped off his head with a ginsu sushi knife.
• Like two doors over from LeBang, wooden exterior, and you’ll know you’re there when a life size ULTRAMAN greets you at the door.
• 19 Chenghai Yi Lu. Phone 8593 5719.

Fatema Indian

• Very tasty Indian food.
• Good variety of dishes.
• But ssssssssssssslllllllllloooooooow.
• Also a little on the pricier side. (250 kuai for 2 people). But they were up till recently the only Indian place in Qingdao thus they had monopoly control and very well could have been feeding us PEOPLE dressed up as Indian food.

Barocook

• Very cheap Korean fast food.
• I enjoy the chicken burgers or toasted sandwiches for 7-9rmb, also massive chicken cutlet for only 25rmb.
• Open late on weekends.

LeBang

• Two for one pizzas on Sundays is good, but I’ve since eaten one too many.
• Sandwiches are also good.
• Prices are reasonable but have been slowly creeping upwards just like everywhere else.
• The bar has a good selection of Pernod and Vodka, and that’s all me needs.

Pyongyang

• A NORTH KOREAN restaurant.
• Real live North Koreans serve you food. But don’t trip over the chains attached to their legs.
• Pretty much tastes like any other Korean food place, but with a novelty factor to the power of 63.
• See my previous post on it here.

Yueyuxuan (越饫轩)

• Good Vietnamese food in Qingdao.
• The only Vietnamese food in Qingdao.
• Pretty cheap considering its “exoticness”.
• It’s on Zhangzhou Er Lu (66 hao) in HK garden very close to Baskin Robbins.

Celena’s Chocolate Bar

• Cafe/dessert place located in the Aushotel at Yan’an Rd. and Hong Kong West Rd.
• Very clean and modern design. What this actually translates into is chairs that feel like they’re going to launch into space.
• Prices are expensive and portions are small, so basically you’re just paying to be on the set of 2001 Space Odyssey.
• Japanese fashion magazines brought back memories of Doll’s Kitchen…unfortunately they didn’t have Egg.
• The food itself? The chocolate is all top notch quality. The waffles were a bit on the sweet side for my tastes, not to mention doused in chocolate sauce, but if you like sweet things, you can’t go wrong here.

Monnemer Eck

• German/Bavarian what have you, I don’t know?
• Has lots of sausages and potatoes.
• Good German beer on tap that’s a nice switch from Tsingtao.
• Prices are good, maybe 50 kuai/person.
• German people are friendly when they’re drunk.

May 4th Diner

• It isn’t a diner.
• But it does serve food that can be very tasty.
• And sometimes not so tasty
• And sometimes the service is very good
• And sometimes the waiters have their heads stuck up their asses they resemble popple dolls from the 80’s.
• But more often than not it’s still pretty good.

JUSCO

• Jusco is a large mall type complex on Hong Kong middle road at Fuzhou South Road.
• It is owned by a Japanese corporation, and as such is filled with a cornucopia of Japanese products and restaurants.
• In it, you will find some good Japanese restaurants all priced very reasonably.
• Be warned however, Jusco also contains an outpost of the unholy army of Ronald McDonald, and a food court that is most certainly owned and operated by MSG companies.

Japanese restaurant across from DaNiang dumplings 2nd floor jusco

• My new favorite place inside of Jusco.
• Very good quality pork cutlets, and more food than you can handle for 25-40rmb.
• Never too busy, so it sure as hell beats standing in line for Aijisen.

Aijisen(in jusco)

• Ubiquitous Japanese noodle chain restaurant.
• Very cheap.
• Usually decent tasting but not amazing.
• Usually pretty fast unless you order something unusual, like deep-fried squid infused with goose liver flown in from the Bermuda triangle.

Japanese place opposite McDo’s in Jusco (Sorry can’t remember name)

• Interesting pancake/burger like things that I can’t really describe.
• Cheap and will fill you up.
• Very tasty potatoes.
• Supposedly Osaka style according to my friend…who’s from Osaka.

Istanbul - Turkish in food court of IGO

• Good Turkish food.
• Very cheap.
• You have to get one of those stupid payment cards to buy food there.
• The location is so absurd for this type of place it’s sure to be bankrupt in a matter of months.
• The chef is Turkish, but can only speak Turkish and German, no English, which makes me wonder how the hell he gets along in this country considering the only two languages spoken are Mandarin and English.

Chalon(in jusco)

• Japanese western food, made by Chinese people.
• Lots of meats that don’t cost an arm and a leg.
• Very consistent quality and service.
• Good fall back plan when nothing else suits.

Kalinka’s

• Russian place behind mykal.
• Food is decent. Although I can’t say I’m really into Russian food.
• They used to (or may still have) 30rmb lunches that were very good and were like 4 courses.

Pasta Fresca Al Salvatore

• Italian food.
• Best pizza I’ve had in Qingdao so far, although that isn’t saying much, it was still up to Dominos level.
• Prices were about the same as Napoli or LaVilla so think about 100-150 per person.
• Didn’t try the Pasta, but I’ve heard it’s decent.
• For some reason it always seems empty.

LaLuna

• Italian/French type food.
• Service was good, food was good.
• Price was a bit cheaper than its sucky counterparts.
• Might not be open anymore because the mob might have shut it down in a gangbanger shootout where the french owner was heard yelling “SACRE BLUE!” before transmuting into a frog and hopping to his safety???
• update: definitely no more

Your Mom’s Place

• I love home cooking.

I will also be adding and updating to this list as I remember and try out places, or when I get really bored.

* For those that don’t know the mei-you’s or 没有 is what the waitress says when they don’t have what you want. It literally means, “no-have”. Normally excusable, it can get uber-frustrating as often half the things on the menu will be mei-yous. I can deal with it at Chinese places because they all have like 300 items on their damned menu, but when it happens at a supposedly upscale western restaurant…heads roll.

According to the media, warmer than normal temperatures in the Yellow Sea have caused a colossal bloom of algae on the coast of Qingdao. What really happened was the ibetans, aiwanese, eas urkmentanis all got together with the western powers in iananmen square to poop on China’s big party. They devised a plan to attack Qingdao’s Sailing events by creating a green tide of mutant seaweed unlike any seen before it (with the exception of the massive blooms that happen every year in the lakes and various other polluted coastlines on the mainland). As a result of making sailing through the green slime impossible, the world would lose confidence in China’s ability to sail, knowing full well that the future depends on such an important method of transportation to get all the cheap manufactured goods delivered after oil peaks out. The economy would collapse and chaos would ensue. A sock puppet named Dave would be proclaimed supreme leader via a highly annoying yet repetitive pop-music single, and he would split the country into fruit shaped fragments with assorted tropical aromas.

The government was having none of that. The CPC, the almighty power that they were, in a universe far far away, had possession of both the ring, and a direct line for the Ninja Turtles. Too bad the ring was gambled away by a party official during a game of craps against Kim Jong-il in Macao. The Ninja Turtles, knowing full well that pizza on the mainland usually ranks on the flavour charts between Old Leather Shoe and Toxic Waste couldn’t be bothered. So the only sane and logical option left was to declare war against the goo!!! And let’s be honest here, when you’ve got an army two and a half million strong, if they aren’t raping, pillaging or gold farming, they might as well be carefully placing slimy goo into bags.

A week ago from my apartment’s balcony, the ocean view looked like a grassy field in Saskatchewan. That didn’t last long. A flotilla of boats said to be in the hundreds got busy, while the army was called in to take care of the beaches. One day all the public servants in Qingdao were ordered to spend the day at the seaside picking up gunk. Then they closed down entire avenues so that the dump trucks could pretend to drive like nascars as if that was somehow different than everyday. Ahhhh… the joys of an authoritarian one party government.

Supposedly they’re carting all the slime off to the countryside. Nice. The farmers do all the work around here, the crappy jobs that no one wants for 50 bucks a month and what do we give them in return? Thousands of tons of rotting green slimy algae. Well they’ll probably thank us, because I heard they’re going to save a ton on pig feed with this little bonus from the powers that be. Green ham and eggs anyone? That reminds me, I’m off pork for the next little ever. If anyone asks, I’ve converted to Judaism. Oi Vey!

And for no particular reason other than being awesome, this guy.

Eventually if you’re living in China, you’re gonna need to do a visa run. Although Fukuoka is a popular visa run spot for the Korean English teacher crowd, for some reason China expats stay away like a gay dude hiding from a vagina. HK is (or was now that the Olympic visa regime is in full effect) the place most expats hit up when they’re looking for a quick cheap visa. Although HK is interesting, you live in China damn it, so why not try a completely different culture? I know you say because it’s absurdly expensive, but there’s a reason why this run is to Fukuoka and not Tokyo. Depending on when you do it (like now for instance), this visa run might actually be cheaper than going to HK.

Unless you’re traveling on a rocket ship made out of grease lightning, you aren’t going to make it to the consulate before it closes at 11am. This is ok, because it gives you ample time to get sorted with your hostel/hotel and to get oriented with the city. You’ll need 2 nights or 3 days to do this.

Landing at the international terminal of FUK you then can take a free but longer-than-it should be shuttle bus that goes to the main domestic terminal. Sometimes I wonder why they didn’t just make a giant tunnel connecting them with one of those people mover ramps. Better still would be a giant catapult that launched weary travelers into a vat of live chickens. From here you can get on the subway and head straight downtown. Just stay on the same train and get off at Hakata Station, nice and easy. Hakata station is pretty big, because it also has the JR bullet trains on the upper floors, and has dozens of stores and restaurants built into it.

If you’re not looking to waste money you could be spending on delicious Japanese booze, you should stay at one of the two hostels in the general vicinity of Hakata Station. These places are the cheapest in Fukuoka unless you want to resort to a bottle of Suntory Whiskey and a park bench. If you want a more social atmosphere, and a closer walk to the station, you’ll want to stay at the Khaosan Fukuoka Hostel. The people there are friendly, helpful and obsessively clean. There is also lots of those weirdo backpacker people that never seem to shave or cut their hair sneaking around. As weird as they are, get a few beers in em and they’re good times. This website will show you exactly how to get there from Hakata Station. KFH has dorms for 2500 yen, and single private rooms for 3500 yen, but the single rooms are the size of a closet, and have no furniture except a mattress and covers on the ground. Check-in seems to be from 9am-9pm and check out is 11am. There is no curfew, but they lock the door at 9pm, they give you a code for the door on a piece of paper, don’t lose it like I did and spend your night watching drunken salary men stumble home.

Fukuoka Youth Hostel is just a bit further away, and offers much larger rooms, but a more sterile atmosphere. They seem to cater more to Japanese than international backpackers so it’s boring but quieter. Note that the cheapest rooms FYH has are 3500 yen doubles though they’re the same size as a business hotel room. The bathrooms there are shared but bigger and more private than Khaosan. Supposedly there’s no curfew, but I was told they lock the door at 1am so I don’t know how that’s going to work. I didn’t feel like experimenting after forgetting the code at the Khaosan. Also check-in isn’t until 4pm so if you arrive before that, you can leave your bags (for them to put in your room if it’s empty WTF??) So both have trade-offs. Personally I think it would be better to stay at the KFH on the weekends when there are lots of people around, plus you can get in and out at any time. Check below for how to get to the Fukuoka youth hostel.

The cheapest way to get to the consulate is to get on the subway at Hakata and go to Nishijin Station. Check my map down below and follow these instructions: Get out at exit 3 and walk till you get to the big intersection and turn right, keep heading up that road along the creek until you get passed the third bridge. You’ll know you’re there when you see lots of guards around it, possibly the special police, and also a big group of nationalist protestors and their ridiculous vans covered in Japanese flags and loudspeakers spewing off crazy sounding rants. The full walk is about 10-15mins. Also on the way back to Hakata, make sure to get on the right train, some trains switch lines and head to Kaizuka, you don’t want to go there, trust me.

Once inside, take a number immediately by pushing the top button on the machine. While you’re waiting to be called fill out the form. The applications line is on the right and the left line is where you come to pick up and pay for your visa. As of May 2008 you need:

• Full accommodation itinerary printout of hotel bookings with your name on it from the computer OR
• Housing Contract with your name on it that states where you live OR
• Written invitation from a resident that says you’ll be staying with them for the duration of the visa and copies of their ID card, etc.
• Returns air tickets in and out of the country
• Photocopy of your passport and the Japanese visa you have (they have a pay per use photocopy machine in the consulate)
• 1 passport photo
• And you’ll be damned if you forget your passport.

The next day head back to the consulate. Don’t forget your receipt. Pop 7000 yen into the machine at the entrance, you’ll actually need to buy a 6000 and 1000 yen ticket because for some reason they don’t sell 7000 yen tickets. If you’re lucky like me, the machine will have a nervous breakdown while you’re using it and the accountant will come out from a little box proceed to beat the crap out of the machine. Once you get the tickets head to the window on the far left, where you’ll get your visa back. Once you’ve got it, you’re free to get the hell out of Japan, or stay and enjoy some pork ramen.

MAPS

Ok just follow the main street that runs diagonal from Yodobashi camera, its the same street you use to get to Khaosan. You might want to take a bus because it’s about a 20 min walk. Go until you get to the Mobil gas station, turn right, then turn left at the Lawsons which is very close, and you’ll see on the left. Follow the green line on the map. Get on any bus that has the characters 山王丁一 and you’ll get there for about 250 yen. If you get lost the address for the taxis is: 6-7-23 Hakata-eki Minami, Hakata-ku, Fukuoka-shi OR in Japanese: 福岡県福岡市博多区博多駅南6-7-23. Their phone number is: 92-473-4555.

Just follow the green line, this one is really easy, only about 10 min walk. And sorry I have no idea what those little swastikas on the map are for. The consulate is the little grey building at the top! The address: Fukuoka-shi, Chiuo-ku Jigyohama 1-3-3, 福冈市中央区地行浜1-3-3. Phone number: 92-713-1121.

Some notes: The consulate has English visa application forms but that’s about it, everything else is in Chinese and Japanese, and there’s little to no English signage. The people working there also have some limited English, so make sure you’ve got everything in order first, follow the instructions here and you should be ok. If not the Japanese secret police waiting outside will kidnap you and feed you to the robots (there’s a robot museum right by the consulate!)

If you get lost and need to take a taxi, they are expensive starting at Y550 to get into, but the drivers are generally quite helpful, and they all have those GPS TV map gismos. The ride from the hostels to the consulate is about 3500 yen give or take.

You’ll probably end up spending more money than if you had gone to HK, but damn, if you’ve already been there a few times, Fukuoka is a breath of fresh air (both literally and figuratively of course).

Ok, for those who don’t know, in Japan they have these places called hostess bars/clubs. You go to them, you sit down and you drink with girls (the hostesses). Yep that’s it. There might be some really shady places that operate differently but that’s not par for the course. For some reason Qingdao and the neighboring Huangdao have a plethora of these places. I can’t really figure this out, because there just aren’t that many Japanese dudes lacking in balls to go to real bars.

Yes. I have been to one. When you walk in, you’re greeted by a bunch of girls who will escort you to a table usually surrounded by shoulder height walls to give you some kind of false sense of intimacy. You’ll then be given a menu which upon reading you’ll be shocked to see that all the prices are for glasses and not bottles as the numbers would have you believe. Oh yeah and you’re expected to buy the girls drinks too. You’re probably thinking why the hell wouldn’t you just go to a bar and pick up ladies the old fashion way… using a drink spiked with rohypnol?? Well, I suppose if you’re a cranky old Japanese man with lots of dough, and a shriveled wiener, it would be more fun to piss and moan about your boring salaryman job to some Chinese university students pretending to be classy Japanese babes while you try to get hammered on 12 dollar drinks.

So as I was saying before, there’s a whole whack of them in Qingdao, and for some reason beyond the comprehension of man, they intrigue me. There’s gotta be about 20 in my immediate neighborhood that I walk by every day, and I’m completely mesmerized by them and occasionally their contents. For me it’s like driving to work on the highway and seeing some massive signs with random objects like pogo sticks and turkey basters but with obscure subheadings like “Tomorrow is yesterday’s future” and “Magic trombones kill”. One neat thing about them is their exteriors. It makes them look like a secret ninja club. That is, if secret ninja clubs advertised their whereabouts by large booze adverts, gaudy colours and names like “Loves You”. I’ve thought way too much about them and I’ve come to the sociological conclusion that they look the way they do cause Japanese businesses here tend to get pooped on whenever Sino-Japanese relations go down the crapper (both literally and metaphorically). Windows sure make good target practice for all manner of projectiles hence the speakeasy look. It’s ironic that by trying to be low key, they actually stick out like a hot Scandinavian model at a sausage party. Part of the allure is not knowing what’s going on in there, so it’s a little annoying that nothing is what’s going on.

I went for a walk and took a bunch of pictures of them so that you have an idea, these were just the ones near my place in Hong Kong Garden, there’s lots more smattered about the city. The ones in Huangdao that I saw on my brief visit there a while back were on sketchy side streets, and also had much lower key look with peep windows and security cams. According to one of my Japanese friends, Qingdao and Huangdao have some of the most well known hostess bars outside of Japan. I can’t vouch for the veracity of this claim, but judging by the number of them and the fact that I’ve never seen them anywhere else in China to this degree, there must be some kind of funk going on in there.

I’ve asked my friends about them, and they don’t really seem to care or have an opinion on them other than the fact that their customers get robbed blind. I suppose if you use money for toilet paper, they would be worth checking out. Just know that if you don’t speak Japanese or Chinese, it’s not going to be a very conversational time and as such, I would recommend forgoing the destruction of the mystique and instead heading to nightclub, which coincidently I will be elaborating on next…dun dun Duuuuun….