Let’s take a look shall we?

Product: Nature Valley granola bars

Country of origin: USA

The label says better if used by [string of undecipherable dot matrix print code]. Uhhh…”better”? So after that unrecognizable date they only become “good”? They were never “best”? It would actually be “best” if they wrote “better eat these by…or else we’ll come and break your flower power face ya dirty granola bar munchin hippy scum!”

Product: Sapporo lager beer

Country of origin: Japan (note this is the real deal import, not that bathtub domestic crap that’s made in Wuhan).

On the bottom we have more hardly readable dot matrix print. This time it’s some lovely Japanese kanji characters, followed by years and a months. I can only hope that the date that is already past was the production date, and the future date is the expiry, because if it’s the other way around…man oh man have those crazy japs got some funky time travel shit going on. I wouldn’t put it past em. “SAPPORO BEER: ACQUIRES YOUR GREAT ENJOYMENT, BEYOND THE FUTURE!”

Product: San Marcos green Mexican salsa

Country of origin: Mexico

Oh Mexico, way to keep it qua-li-ty. But honestly, who really cares if the expiry date is worn off? It’s not like anyone has ever got sick eating something from within your secure and sanitary borders.

Product: Barilla basillico tomato sauce

Country of origin: Italy

A six digit number, the letter B in brackets, and then what is obviously a date of some kind. The Italians have left us a little riddle wrapped in an enigma, for the digits are all lower than 12, meaning who knows which one is the month, the day or the year. Italians are clever like that. They always want to keep you guessing, even when it comes to whether you might get food poisoning from their tomato sauce.

Product: Marks and Spencer mayonnaise

Country of origin: England

Not sure why this M&S Mayo advertises a new recipe, when in fact it tastes like glue made from horses. The BB is probably short for bloody bollocks, exactly what I would say, if I was British and trying to read this expiry date on a cold rainy afternoon in Manchester. Now maybe it’s just me, and I’m a big idiot, but I read that expiry date as January 11^th 9:31pm. Good to know, because I like to be precise to the minute when it comes to not eating expired mayo. But what bloody year? Uh oh, I get it now, it’s really January 2011. But then what bloody day? I mean, it could go bad on the 1^st of January, and then that’s fine, but what happens if it’s not until the 31^st? I certainly wouldn’t want to waste a spoonful of precious mayo that could go with some delicious Belgian cut fries.

Product: Shao Feng spicy oil pepper sauce

Country of origin: China

It may be a little daunting because it’s in Chinese characters, but if you can remember the ones you need to know, it’s always the same. 保质期 is the duration of time after it was produced that it’s safe to eat (here being 18 months). 生产日期 is the date it was produced on (here being January 11^th 2010). It sure is nice that they’ve gone and printed the expiry date with all the rest of the static info that never changes right on the label. Must cost a lot to have to print a new label for every day of production. I sure hope they don’t cut any costs…naw what am I thinking…a Chinese company would never do that.

Thankfully for imported products, China has strict label laws that require the ingredients, date of production, origin, etc. to be printed in Chinese, and it always clearly tells you when the stuff expires (sometimes almost too strict, because the Chinese label covers up the original nutritional information). So in effect this post was redundant, so let’s all go eat some Belgian fries with unexpired mayo.

I recently got back from Italy for work purposes. Not much touring was done, but several stereotypes were done away with.

I’m writing this for people living in Qingdao, people visiting Qingdao, and most importantly myself because I can never figure out what I want to eat. Chinese food is good. There’s no question there. The problem is that eating out is a group thing. The best restaurants are made for 4+ people. You know, the big round tables with the lazy susannes spinning, zhongnanhai’s gettin up in ya lungs and white liquor going straight to the cerebral cortex. Sure you can still go to these places by yourself or with a friend, but the dishes are all big mofos and you can’t get a whole lot of styles in your order unless you plan on wasting a load of food. So I’ve put together this list of western food joints that Qingdao has. It is divided into two parts. Places that suck balls and places that don’t. My list will feature ISO9000 approved point form rational to make your selection fast and efficient. And yeah I know there’s the redstar and Qingdao guide websites that will show you where they are, but they don’t list some, and they sure as shit don’t tell you if the ones listed are any good.

Places that suck the kahck

Sumo Sushi

• Absurdly expensive sushi, think 25 kuai for one piece the size of a baby’s toe.
• Serious case of the mei-you’s*
• Service is probably the worst I’ve ever experienced in Qingdao, took close to an hour to get our appetizer despite seeing other people who came in after us get theirs much earlier. We had to sit at the bar because other tables were supposedly reserved; yet no one sat at the tables over the 2-hour course of our meal. Waitresses didn’t understand CHINESE. This is because it’s 100% Japanese owned and operated, and even the waitresses are Japanese. BUT this is CHINA retards. If I were Chinese I would come back to this place with a canteen of gas.
• In fact if you go to this place and give them your hard earned loot, you might as well just pay someone to urinate in your mouth while you sleep. It’s the same.
• Also the food sucked.

Murano

• Unless there’s another place that serves ’53 Margaux like it’s going out of style this is the most expensive restaurant in Qingdao.
• Pasta tastes about as good as I could make it, which means…bleah
• Service is about on par with any other western place, and considering the price of everything plus the service charge, they should be giving you the soufflé special in the back room for what you end up paying.

Bamboo

• The only so-called thai restaurant in town.
• Food is expensive considering what it is. (30-40 kuai a dish)
• All the dishes taste really bland and not spicy, which is pretty much the exact opposite of real thai food.
• Service is anemic.

Napoli

• Advertises as a wine bar/italian restaurant but inside there is no bar whatsoever
• Pastas start at 80 kuai and taste no better than Chef Boyardi’s bastard child
• I’ve heard from a former employee they reuse food. Nuff said.

Sunshine Grill

• Lots of expensive steaks that can be had elsewhere for less.
• Horribly nasty all you can eat lunch buffet for 100 or is it 120 kuai?
• Pretty much everything else on their menu looks like it’s dying from the bubonic plague.

TJ’s Mexican Food

• This place is to Mexican food as a drunken midget is to porn.
• Prices are reasonable, if you like eating chili powder with a small side of food.
• The Nachos are the only redeeming thing on the menu, otherwise, everything else tastes exactly the same.
• Seriously…to the owner of this place…if you want to see how a Mexican restaurant is done, go to Cantina Agave in Shanghai. Case closed.

Sorrento’s Pizza/JJ’s Pizza/Farmer’s Pizza

• These Korean run pizza places don’t really suck so bad, but the pizza is pretty bad compared to proper North American pizza.
• They all use whack ingredients, and shit quality cheese.
• JJ’s uses excessively sweet tomato sauce.
• Farmer’s uses almost no sauce.
• But they all deliver so that’s all they’re good for.

Vietnamese Restaurant in Hisense Shopping Mall (In the basement level)

• Unreasonably expensive for Vietnamese food, but I guess they have to pay the stupid rent to be in the Hisense mall somehow.
• Considering the price, you would think they could have decent sized portions, but no, the pho bowls were all sized for toddlers. Come on man, it’s just noodles!
• The spring rolls were pretty tasty.
• Most of the menu is just Chinese food, or Vietnamese dishes that have been sinofied.
• You have to ask for hot sauce and oyster sauce…umm hello?
• Try it once if you must, but Yueyuxuan in HKGardens has better tasting pho, and is like a third the price.

Places that DON’T SUCK (In order of awesomeness with the slackers at the bottom)

Trattoria Verde

• Best Italian food in Qingdao hands down.
• The place is small and is always packed so make a reservation or you won’t get in.
• The kitchen is open at the back so you can see the work of the Japanese chef on the go, he’s super friendly and takes care of his customers.
• Prices were once reasonable (Cheaper than Napoli and Murano), but have now inflated to borderline unacceptable levels. Think about a 63% increase in some dishes, that’s even higher than the crazy 10% national inflation rate.
• The most of the specials here are seafood dishes, although you can get steaks and the standard but still delicious pasta plates.
• Ironic that the best Italian food in Qingdao is being cooked by a Japanese chef, while the restaurants with supposed Italian chefs are mostly garbaggio.
• Phone number: (+86 532) 8589-8530
• Address: 100 Shanghang Lu

Cassini’s

• Runner up to best Italian food.
• Recently I’ve been enjoying this place more and more, prices are stable, unlike other establishments, and they’ve got the real deal gelato going on.
• Atmosphere upstairs is Modern, and more spacious than than Tratoria.
• Lots of options, from pizza and sandwiches to full mains. Everything I’ve tried has been tasty.
• Although the owners/chefs seem alright, the waitstaff could be better. Right now I would say it’s just average for China, and if you know, that ain’t great. If it were to improve I think Cassini’s could take the #1 spot.

The Greenery Cafe

• This Guangzhou based chain has a clean and modern interior.
• Similar to Chalon, with lots of western based dishes. Prices are better though. And the food quality seems a bit better too.
• Lunches are a good deal with a healthy sized main dish and dessert for 18-25rmb
• They charge a 2rmb seating fee per person, which although insignificant, would become a serious pain in the ass if its occurrence propagated among middle market restaurants here.
• Located in the mess of a building on the other-side of the street facing Crown Plaza, on the second floor.

Story Desserts

• Interestingly decorated place that focuses on desserts, coffee and vino.
• Desserts are the best I’ve had in Qingdao
• Owner/Managers actually care and listen to their clientele.
• Open long hours from 11am-11pm so it’s good when that sweet

tooth needs a fix late in the evening.

• Located in the old location of Banana bar right next to Amy’s Bakery, on the little street that runs behind Feelings Nightclub.

Chi Nuan Lian Izakaya

• Best Japanese Izakaya in Qingdao.
• Open till 1 or 2am usually.
• Not cheap, but not too expensive depending on what you get.
• Super special udon and soba recipes that the Japanese chef stole from a samurai ninja warrior right before he chopped off his head with a ginsu sushi knife.
• Like two doors over from LeBang, wooden exterior, and you’ll know you’re there when a life size ULTRAMAN greets you at the door.
• 19 Chenghai Yi Lu. Phone 8593 5719.

Fatema Indian

• Very tasty Indian food.
• Good variety of dishes.
• But ssssssssssssslllllllllloooooooow.
• Also a little on the pricier side. (250 kuai for 2 people). But they were up till recently the only Indian place in Qingdao thus they had monopoly control and very well could have been feeding us PEOPLE dressed up as Indian food.

Barocook

• Very cheap Korean fast food.
• I enjoy the chicken burgers or toasted sandwiches for 7-9rmb, also massive chicken cutlet for only 25rmb.
• Open late on weekends.

LeBang

• Two for one pizzas on Sundays is good, but I’ve since eaten one too many.
• Sandwiches are also good.
• Prices are reasonable but have been slowly creeping upwards just like everywhere else.
• The bar has a good selection of Pernod and Vodka, and that’s all me needs.

Pyongyang

• A NORTH KOREAN restaurant.
• Real live North Koreans serve you food. But don’t trip over the chains attached to their legs.
• Pretty much tastes like any other Korean food place, but with a novelty factor to the power of 63.
• See my previous post on it here.

Yueyuxuan (越饫轩)

• Good Vietnamese food in Qingdao.
• The only Vietnamese food in Qingdao.
• Pretty cheap considering its “exoticness”.
• It’s on Zhangzhou Er Lu (66 hao) in HK garden very close to Baskin Robbins.

Celena’s Chocolate Bar

• Cafe/dessert place located in the Aushotel at Yan’an Rd. and Hong Kong West Rd.
• Very clean and modern design. What this actually translates into is chairs that feel like they’re going to launch into space.
• Prices are expensive and portions are small, so basically you’re just paying to be on the set of 2001 Space Odyssey.
• Japanese fashion magazines brought back memories of Doll’s Kitchen…unfortunately they didn’t have Egg.
• The food itself? The chocolate is all top notch quality. The waffles were a bit on the sweet side for my tastes, not to mention doused in chocolate sauce, but if you like sweet things, you can’t go wrong here.

Monnemer Eck

• German/Bavarian what have you, I don’t know?
• Has lots of sausages and potatoes.
• Good German beer on tap that’s a nice switch from Tsingtao.
• Prices are good, maybe 50 kuai/person.
• German people are friendly when they’re drunk.

May 4th Diner

• It isn’t a diner.
• But it does serve food that can be very tasty.
• And sometimes not so tasty
• And sometimes the service is very good
• And sometimes the waiters have their heads stuck up their asses they resemble popple dolls from the 80′s.
• But more often than not it’s still pretty good.

JUSCO

• Jusco is a large mall type complex on Hong Kong middle road at Fuzhou South Road.
• It is owned by a Japanese corporation, and as such is filled with a cornucopia of Japanese products and restaurants.
• In it, you will find some good Japanese restaurants all priced very reasonably.
• Be warned however, Jusco also contains an outpost of the unholy army of Ronald McDonald, and a food court that is most certainly owned and operated by MSG companies.

Japanese restaurant across from DaNiang dumplings 2nd floor jusco

• My new favorite place inside of Jusco.
• Very good quality pork cutlets, and more food than you can handle for 25-40rmb.
• Never too busy, so it sure as hell beats standing in line for Aijisen.

Aijisen(in jusco)

• Ubiquitous Japanese noodle chain restaurant.
• Very cheap.
• Usually decent tasting but not amazing.
• Usually pretty fast unless you order something unusual, like deep-fried squid infused with goose liver flown in from the Bermuda triangle.

Japanese place opposite McDo’s in Jusco (Sorry can’t remember name)

• Interesting pancake/burger like things that I can’t really describe.
• Cheap and will fill you up.
• Very tasty potatoes.
• Supposedly Osaka style according to my friend…who’s from Osaka.

Istanbul – Turkish in food court of IGO

• Good Turkish food.
• Very cheap.
• You have to get one of those stupid payment cards to buy food there.
• The location is so absurd for this type of place it’s sure to be bankrupt in a matter of months.
• The chef is Turkish, but can only speak Turkish and German, no English, which makes me wonder how the hell he gets along in this country considering the only two languages spoken are Mandarin and English.

Chalon(in jusco)

• Japanese western food, made by Chinese people.
• Lots of meats that don’t cost an arm and a leg.
• Very consistent quality and service.
• Good fall back plan when nothing else suits.

Kalinka‘s

• Russian place behind mykal.
• Food is decent. Although I can’t say I’m really into Russian food.
• They used to (or may still have) 30rmb lunches that were very good and were like 4 courses.

Pasta Fresca Al Salvatore

• Italian food.
• Best pizza I’ve had in Qingdao so far, although that isn’t saying much, it was still up to Dominos level.
• Prices were about the same as Napoli or LaVilla so think about 100-150 per person.
• Didn’t try the Pasta, but I’ve heard it’s decent.
• For some reason it always seems empty.

LaLuna

• Italian/French type food.
• Service was good, food was good.
• Price was a bit cheaper than its sucky counterparts.
• Might not be open anymore because the mob might have shut it down in a gangbanger shootout where the french owner was heard yelling “SACRE BLUE!” before transmuting into a frog and hopping to his safety???
• update: definitely no more

Your Mom’s Place

• I love home cooking.

I will also be adding and updating to this list as I remember and try out places, or when I get really bored.

* For those that don’t know the mei-you’s or 没有 is what the waitress says when they don’t have what you want. It literally means, “no-have”. Normally excusable, it can get uber-frustrating as often half the things on the menu will be mei-yous. I can deal with it at Chinese places because they all have like 300 items on their damned menu, but when it happens at a supposedly upscale western restaurant…heads roll.