Even though Shanghai sits on the Pacific (or East China Sea for you pedants), there ain’t much beach action going on here. Seems like they’ve used every inch of shoreline for container ports, factory waste dumpage or expo grounds. So it being summer and all, some friends and I decided to trek out to Shengsi Island to get some unhealthy doses of solar radiation, and booze.

Shengsi Island is actually not part of Shanghai. It falls under the administrative incompetence of Zhejiang Province. To get there requires a taxi from wherever you are in Shanghai to the bus station underneath the Nanpu bridge, followed by an hour or so bus ride to a desolate part of Pudong where the ferry terminal is, and then a 70 minute boat ride to the island itself. The boat is the worst part, the seats are tightly packed, the Chinese tourists don’t handle the sea well, and if your stomach isn’t sick, the non-stop Mr. Bean on the TVs ensure your brain is. Avoid the washrooms at all costs. You’ve been warned.

Once you’re there, the island is pretty fucking ace. The air is as clean as you’re going to get in Asia, and that means there’s some awesome clouds doing their thing above you. Yes I love clouds.

When you plan your trip, it’s crucial you find a decent place to stay. I would not advise being bamboozled into 2 large rooms without beds for $150 a night, as our group was. Instead, there’s lots of guest houses around, and my independence seeking friend and I scored a nice air-conditioned and mosquito free place for $15 a night. Always remember to play the student card even if you’re rocking grey hair, suspenders and a sweater vest.

About those mosquitoes, you’ll want to bring the strongest repellent known to man, cause the little buggers aren’t little at all. They’re actually man eating beasts that move with the agility of mountain goats on crystal meth. I’m not really sure what that means, but they make Vlad Ţepeș look like a punk ass bitch.

The initial place we were staying at (the scamming rat bastards) had a “private beach”. What they really meant was a spit of sand covered in toxic waste from the nearby fishing/industrial village down the way. Luckily a 15 minute walk lead us to the massive, pristine Nanchangtu (南长途) beach with decent waves and practically no other people. Yeah it cost 20kuai to get in, but it was well worth being turned into a fried tomato, thanks to the Sun’s loving atomic rays.

The food on the island is mostly a poisonous variety of seafood that will destroy your intestines with the intensity of a thousand piranhas. I survived on granola bars and beef jerky acquired on the mainland. That’s called thinking ahead people. The best plan, would be to bring a small bbq, and get groceries from the town, and have a sweet rave party on the beach with glowing sweat. Interestingly, the main cash crop of the island was edamame beans that were in fact delicious.

If you can stomach other people not stomaching the boat ride, Shengsi island is a natural escape from the evil clutches of Shanghai. Just remember mosquitoes as big as 747s and seafood as bad as Michael Jackson circa 1987.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been walking/biking/skidaddling by the corner of Nanjing Rd and Shaanxi Rd wondering like a little monkey just what the hell was going on inside a giant box that was sitting there. I wonder no longer, for they have revealed the contents. The contents of the box being…A BAG!

This isn’t just any ordinary bag however, it’s a giant handbag crafted out of fluorescent lights encased in a glass box coated with mirrors entitled Sac par Lady Dior. At first, your eyes can’t help but be drawn towards the light, as if you were heading towards that magical place in the sky. Then your eyes become fixated on it and you begin to stare, your corneas fry just like an insect flying into one of those buzzing lights you can always find in restaurant kitchens.

I don’t care too much for name brand stuff. Actually I do only in so far that one day I’d like it all to be wiped from the collective human consciousness with a J-Cloth™ and some Windex™. I do give Dior and Li Songsong (李松松) snaps here for coming up with something puts even a marijuana grow-op’s hydro bills to shame. Not to mention walking away from this work, the only thing on your mind is GIANT GLOWING DIOR HANDBANG. So it’s definitely effective to say the least.

It does raise some interesting questions about advertising and art, and where the line is drawn. However photography is more my thing, so I’ll leave the drawing to someone else.

I would say that flying in china you probably have about a 60% chance of your flight being delayed. If there’s a hint of any meteorological phenomenon, your chances of flying on time are about as good as opening a gay bar in Iran called Mohomo’s. Normally though, the weather isn’t bad and instead they give patently bullshit reasons why the plane is static. I was bored at the airport on my most recent trip out of Shanghai, so I grabbed a shot of the sterile and meaningless excuse they give:

What the hell is flow control supposed to be? The septic system backed up or something? Too many planes flying? Then why did they schedule that many flights in the first place?!

Now, if they’re going to make up obvious lies, they might as well go the whole nine yards. So I’ve taken it upon myself to show the Chinese airlines how it should be done. Maybe, just maybe, if they added some comedy to this ridiculous and all too often scenario, people wouldn’t get into fist fights at the airports. After all, we all know how Chinese people love to wait around for things.

I rencently went on a lengthy tour of the big three Asian cities. Along with a series of photos of them, here’s a few words to tag along.

All of these cities are vying to be “Asia’s World City”, much like Toronto silly quest to be “world class”. The truth is, it really depends on what you’re looking for in a city cause they’re starkly different.

上海

Personally the city that offers the most to someone my age, that is to say early twenties to early thirties, is without a doubt Shanghai. It’s still dirt cheap compared to most of the real world class cities like New York or London. You can easily get by on $10-15 a day eating out. Rent should be available close to downtown for about $500 a month in a 1 bedroom. I think the biggest draw however, is the bar scene. I have yet to go anywhere in the world where you can likely find an all you can drink every night for approximately $15. It’s also got plenty of high end bars if you’re interested in spending $15 a drink. The once again growing Western influence insures that lots of foreign brands of most products are available. And there is still some of that dirty Chinese city attitude left (although diminishing).

香港

Hong Kong is the next rung up the ladder of class. The restaurants are better, and there’s more of them. The city is organized and everything is available in English. The tax situation is also very good, and I find that imported goods are cheaper than the mainland. I wasn’t as impressed with the bar scene there as in Shanghai. I would definitely like to live in HK someday, but probably not until I’m over 35 because it’s more expensive than Shanghai. Rent can approach New York levels depending on where you are. Food is still pretty reasonable, but not as cheap as Shanghai unless you only want fast food or Chinese food for every meal. The shopping here is excellent, you can get any product in the world. I really like the transport system, as it’s very easy to use, and the electronic payment cards (octopus) can be used in 7/11’s and some food outlets. There is a direct train that can take you from the airport to downtown very quickly for about $25, and the airport there is the best I’ve every visited in regards to modernity and efficiency.

東京

Tokyo is in a class of it’s own. It definitely sits at the world level with the likes of Paris, New York and London. I just don’t think that I could ever live there, unless I learned Japanese. Despite being at an international level, the multi-cultures here are limited to Japanese subcultures and not those of the world. Most people do not speak English, or are too shy to use what they know. The food is definitely amazing though, better than almost anywhere I would say except New York. The Japanese of course have all their popular dishes such as sushi, izakaya, shabu shabu, soba, etc, but they can also do Western food just as good as any chef in France or California. This is, after all, the land of the Iron Chef. Once again, you can get any thing you want when shopping. In particular if your raison d’être is electronics, video games or robots, this is the place to be. There’s also lots of Japanese exclusives that will never be available outside the city unless their exported at a price. The bar scene here is alright, but nothing great. I don’t even think it’s as good as Toronto. The other big thing that would keep me from ever moving here is the fact that everything is ludicrously expensive. Luckily on my recent trip there, the dollar was rocking the yen hard at the exchange rates, but last year when I was visiting, the rate made everything absurdly expensive. I don’t even want to mention the apartments that you’ll walk out of disappointed after learning that what you saw was in fact the entire apartment, and not a closet. that To really live it up here, you’d need to be a multi-millionaire no doubt.

So with all that, it’s clear for me the natural progression is Shanghai, then eventually HK, with nightly trips to Tokyo for dinner and to pick up the latest gadgets. Probably the best thing about these three cities is that they’re so close to each other and getting between them is relatively cheap and easy compared to most cities I’ve travelled between. Anyone making their first trip to Asia, Shanghai is definitely the first city you need to check out. Unless you’re going specifically for something in Japan, it’s a tough place for visitors. HK is a close second choice to SH, because it’s super easy to get around, eat, and do everything, but you don’t get the same bang for your buck.

But forget about that.

I had a burrito today that could rival Burrito Boyz, and I have a bottle of Absolut with my name on it that is currently depleting rapidly. More to follow…